The highs and the low, low, lows.

So this week has been very interesting. I don't feel comfortable talking about some of it (don't worry, I'm not keeping anything juicy to myself). But here's the gist:

I've been realizing how unhappy I am lately. The kind of unhappy where if I think about how unhappy I am I get kind of emotional, so I always decide to pick myself back up by running, or playing with the dog, or my personal favorite activity: trying to plan out what I'm going to do in the near future because I literally have no clue what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go or when I can freaking get out of here.

I went down to Emporia a couple weekends ago, and Ryan successfully persuaded me to talk to Jim about doing Summer Theatre. At first I thought, "Yeah, it would be cool to go back for the summer, but it would probably set me back too much." And then I thought some more about it. You know, I haven't been able to do any theatre since I got up here. I still haven't heard from anybody at ITAs, which I've pretty much given up on now. And almost every show that Omaha Community Playhouse does conflicts with something important in my life (i.e., my dad's wedding in February), so I can't audition for their stuff. Eight weeks of nothing but theatre would help me stay on top of my game.

So I emailed Jim, and he told me he's put my name in the casting pool.

Last night, my friend Lauren took me to see Lady Gaga and it honestly felt like a religious experience for me. Three times during her show I nearly bawled like a baby because it was so powerful and inspiring. I thought, "God. I wish I had the opportunity right now to pour my heart and soul into my art like she does."

So today I checked my email more times than I care to admit, waiting for an email from Jim. And 6:00 comes and... I get a rejection letter. My first one. Even in the summer when I didn't get to act at all, I still had an offer. And I honestly didn't put too much stock in thinking I'd get an offer; I understood that people they actually see audition for them would probably take precedence in the directors' minds, but it didn't stop me from feeling awful.

And I was hoping that I could take the summer to do some theatre while I also figure some more of my "future shit" out in a really positive environment around my best friends.

I'll pick myself back up. But with all of the weird shit that's been happening this week, this just kind of capped it.

Music for the Lover and the Hater

So, during my time here in Omaha I have developed some new tastes in my music. I've been listening to a lot more Elton John and a lot more old musicals, but the strange thing is, I've developed a taste in pop.

Let me clarify here. I still don't listen to the radio, I definitely still don't listen to rap, and I'm still iffy on hip-hop in general. I've just kind of started liking a few artists. It started with Gaga last year. And then I started liking Jesse McCartney and definitely Katy Perry, and I'm okay with it. Do I like everything they do? No, but that's rare for any artist I like. I'll even listen to a Bieber tune here and there (shocking, right?).

Okay, now read that last sentence again. Did you judge me just now? Because I'm pretty sure you did.

And that's the huge, huge, huge downside to this new development in taste. These artists--yes, ALL of these that I have listed here--have merit. All of them write, or at least co-write, much of their own music, all of them (except Jesse McCartney, that I know of) play instruments (Bieber plays THREE at the age of 17), they all clearly worked hard to get where they are, and continue to work their asses off... Yet I am judged almost every time I mention that I like any one of them. I mean there are some people who will agree with me on occasion, but most of the time I get the "You have really terrible taste in music" look.

Which pisses me the hell off. Because I DON'T have terrible taste in music. If I did, someone I respect would have told me by now. Know who else I've been listening to a lot of lately? Florence + the Machine, Regina Spektor, Elton John, Marina and the Diamonds, Janelle Monae, and The Von Bondies, to name a few. I have a very eclectic taste. Just because I like some pop music (not even all of the really trashy pop, just some pop) does not mean I have bad taste. And since when is pop always equivalent to terrible?

I was vilified this weekend by some kid I didn't even know just because I mentioned that I like "Firework" by Katy Perry. Have you ever listened to it? It's completely empowering! And I was told I have poor taste, because he's "a music major, so he studies it full-time." No. It doesn't mean that I have poor taste. It means that you're a pretentious asshole (who happens to be the same pretentious asshole that treated a lady friend of mine like dirt, as I learned later).

I've judged people for their taste in music before. But I think it's safe to say I've grown out of that.

Please, next time someone tells you they like an artist you don't like, don't judge them on that. Wait until you hear what ELSE they like before you say to yourself, "That person has poor taste." If the trend continues, then you can think their music choices are terrible.