Allons-y!

Still in that interim between life periods. But there are some good things happening.

My non-admittance into grad school has only furthered my determination to go next year. I have made a list of my top schools (which seems to be growing all the time), and have changed my mind about the kind of program I want. I wanted to go for Arkansas because of its concentration on making a performer and not JUST an actor. Which is still awesome, but then I watched David Tennant and Patrick Stewart's RSC production of Hamlet... which completely changed my mind (and that's saying a lot since I was never really a fan of Hamlet). I want to become a classically trained actress. I've always really enjoyed Shakespeare, and my mentality has always been "If you can act in iambic pentameter completely believably, you can act in anything." So why not pursue it? It feels like the right path to take.

The only problem with this is that most of the schools I have on my list are extremely, extremely competitive schools. George Washington University, for one, which allows you to achieve your MFA in one year (IN.TENSE.), and even more competitive: University of San Diego, which works in conjunction with the Old Globe Theatre. With USD, you go to London and also work in the Globe Theatre. With members of the Royal Shakespeare Company. No big deal. They are, of course, not the only two schools on my list, but they are, by every definition, my top choices.

With this heavy competition coming up, I'm starting early. I'm picking my audition monologues out now so I can afford to be really choosy. And I'm losing weight (3 lbs this week)! So that's an ongoing process.

I may or may not have a roommate decided on for the fall. It all depends on if Mr. Jamie Hatton gets to move back to the US or not. It's REALLY up in the air right now so I'm not counting on it or anything, but I think he would be an awesome roommate. It all just kind of depends on the whole work visa situation.

If he doesn't get to move here, and if I can't find an alternative roommate, then I'll still live by myself (obviously) which is fine, but I'm still going to move out of this apartment. I heard my neighbor upstairs blasting KC and Jo Jo this afternoon, and I heard him fart the other day. No joke.

Which leads to another new thing: I am absolutely jumping on the job seeking scene. I applied for about six different positions last week, had an interview (I don't think it's a good fit though), and sent my resume out to eight more places today. I am absolutely, completely determined to not be living paycheck-to-paycheck anymore... I also want to be able to afford a nicer apartment, and have a set schedule that actually allows me to do theatre.

And now the final thing: I have an audition this weekend--the first one I've had here that's just for one single show, and boy, what a show. One of my absolute favorites, with one of my dream roles: Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Needless to say, I'm hoping for a turn-around here. Even if I don't actually get to play Viola, I just want to be a part of it. I'll play Maria, I'll play a pants part, I don't care. I need to be doing theatre again.

Ch-ch-changes

So nix the part about me living with Em and Josh next year--Josh got into grad school! He and Emily will be moving to Iowa in the fall. I'm pretty excited for them.

Emily and I have talked a lot about our lives in retail. How neither of us want to get stuck. She applied for a couple positions at Americorps over the summer and today I've decided to apply for other jobs. I'm not exactly ruling out retail, but if I'm going to stay in retail I at least want commission. But I'm hoping for one of the receptionist jobs I've applied for at various medical institutes around the city. Ideally, I'd like to be working for a place that will give me some benefits and a decent salary. I've applied for three jobs so far today... so here's hoping one of them will pan out.

In other news, I'm trying to figure things out. Living situation, money situation, life destination, and all of that cheerful fun stuff. My dad sent me an email about the Peace Corps. I haven't ruled it out.

Rejuvenated!

So, I didn't get into Arkansas. I was disappointed at first because at the time it felt like such a great fit... but now I'm actually excited to stay in Kansas City for another year. I love this place and I'd hate to leave it so soon. I'll try for grad school again next year; there are more programs that I like that will be admitting next fall so I'll go to U/RTAs this winter and hope for the best.

In the meantime, I can dive in to the theatre scene here, and not going to grad school means I can really commit to something. I auditioned for Theatre in the Park yesterday (I find out if I'm called back tomorrow), I will be auditioning for American Heartland Theatre tomorrow, and later in April I have two auditions, one for a local production of Next to Normal, and the other is for an original play that will be performed at the KC Fringe Festival! I'm not incredibly confident that I'll be cast in anything, but shit. It just feels so great to be auditioning, to be actively pursuing my passion again, that I almost don't care about being cast.

And I've started running again. Harrison George posted an article on Facebook a few weeks ago about Jerry Seinfeld's motivation technique. He would write jokes every day, and after he wrote them, he'd mark a big X on that day on his calendar. Eventually there's a long chain, and if you break that chain of X's you'll feel really disappointed in yourself. I've been applying that to exercise, and it's been working really well.

I'm eating better. Cutting back on carbs (I started by giving up pasta for Lent, and I like it), eating more vegetables and fruits, and cutting back on red meat (though that's mostly because of my recent discovery of cholesterol and heart problems in my family).

I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. The weather's great. I might live with Josh and Emily next year. I haven't felt this excited about life in a while, and it's fantastic.

Yeesh...

Dylan asked me why I don't blog anymore. So I visited my blog. I honestly didn't realize it had been THAT long. Sorry, dudes.

Update (for the sake of updating): I'm in Kansas City. I live by myself just off of the Plaza. I'm super happy here. I'm hoping to go to grad school in the fall. If I don't get in, I'm not exactly fussed about staying here another year.

I have kind of a skewed idea of getting into grad school. I did a lot of research back in November when I decided I wanted to go... and there were only a couple of schools that stood out for me (that were actually admitting for the coming fall). I emailed each of them, and Arkansas (which has been my number one this entire time) has been the only one good about getting in touch with me. I auditioned for them in December, felt really, really good about it and incredibly inspired by what I saw there. I'm waiting to hear from them next month (their last auditions are on March 13, so I should know a few days after that). And they're the only school I'm waiting to hear from.

Sometimes I worry myself by asking, "Why am I putting all my eggs in one basket?" To which I immediately answer myself, "It's the only basket I want right now." And I feel like I'm taking a very healthy view of this. I did the U/RTA thing. I think it's a great idea if you don't know what you're looking for (the way I was when I went) or if you have a lot of schools you're interested in, but not the funding to visit all of them (another part of why I went). But I now know exactly what I want in a school, and Arkansas has it. Sure there are other schools I like, but none of those are admitting this fall (damn that ever-popular three-year admission cycle). So if I don't get into Arkansas this year, I'll try again next year, and for more schools.

That's not to say I wouldn't be incredibly disappointed not to go there this year. It's hard; since it was back in December when I auditioned, I have no idea what they've seen, and even though I feel good about how I did, I don't know how that translates to my acceptance. It does make me feel good to know Jim Ryan put in a really good word for me since he's very good friends with the Acting Head there. But that doesn't guarantee anything, so right now I just try not to think about it or else I'll go crazy.

Other news... I gave up pasta for Lent. This is the first time I've ever given up anything for Lent. I eat way too much pasta. Seriously. Way. Too. Much. Pasta. So I'm stopping. Because I'm never going to lose weight if I just eat pasta all the time. And weaning myself off of foods I love doesn't tend to work as well as just stopping, so Lent it is. I'm giving it up completely for Lent, and when Lent is over, I will hopefully not crave it so much anymore. And if I do... well, I just won't eat pasta anymore.

And I'm now obsessed with Doctor Who. Oh my God. SO GOOD. If you have Netflix, you should watch it. You just should. But if you do watch, be warned: it can get very, very creepy. Like, store mannequins chasing after you creepy.

On a related note, I'm in love with David Tennant now. He is mine.

Until next time.

Time for an iffy subject.

Religion. UGH. I hate thinking about it.

It's not that I don't have one, and it's not that I'm not happy with it. It's that my father has recently found Christ (happy for him!). Because part of Christianity includes the belief that if you don't believe in it, you're going to Hell. Great marketing scheme, but terrible for acceptance of other beliefs.

Okay, time to take a step back.

During college I did a little private self-exploration. I found a religion I believe in; or rather, I found the name for the beliefs I've always had. And a lot of this religion has to do with accepting that other people will have their own beliefs, and that what they believe is right for them. There isn't one path to happiness, or Heaven, or Nirvana, or what-have-you. (For introducing me to Unitarian Universalism, I must thank Tricia Bear.) This is what I have always believed. I am very happy with it.

Well, during this same time, my dad has joined a church with his new wife that they're both extremely happy with. He recently went to Kenya on a mission trip to build some new churches and create new converts (not something I completely agree with, but whatever). He came back a changed man. I'm really happy for him, because he's really happy. But I went to visit him over the weekend, and we were running some errands and we stopped at Hastings. And I said, "What are we stopping here for?" To which he replied, "I'm going to buy you a Bible."

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait... What? Yes. He bought me a Bible. I have such mixed feelings about it that I have trouble getting into it. I'm pleased that he wants to share something in his life that has made him so happy. I'm frustrated because religion is something you need to find on your own. I'm disappointed because I thought I had made it clear to him what I believe in. So I wrestle my thoughts together, and come to my own decision: I'll take the Bible. I'll read some of it so I know the stories, and so I can say, "The Bible says this, and I can't believe in that." And then he comes out with a Life Application Studies Bible... which, if you don't know what that is, is a small group of people who translate it for the average reader. I.e., NOT what the Bible actually says, but someone else's interpretation of it.

Here's what it all boils down to for me: if I'm going to read the Bible, I want to read the text in the truest form I am able. I want to interpret it for myself. So I gave myself... a huge challenge. I'm going to read parts of the Bible. The first five books of the Old Testament, some of the New Testament... and then I'm going to read the Qu'ran. And the Dhammapada. And the Bhagavad-gita. If I'm going to educate myself on one religion, why not educate myself on others?

And I'm happy to report that I have a support system in my friend Tommy. Because he understands all of these mixed feelings I have, because this is a battle he's had with his family for much of his adult life.

So... there's that.

Well. There's that.

So last week I went down to Kansas again for a camping trip that I'd been planning for quite some time now. It was awesome. Very relaxing, very beautiful, exactly what I needed.

And remember how in my last blog, I explained that I was getting a TON of hours at work, so I stopped looking for a second job? Well, that blew up in my face this week. I don't know what's going on, but I was scheduled for a mere 19 hours this week. So. There's that. I'm hoping I only got these measly hours because I just got back from vacation and they want me to get back in the swing of things... but we'll see. If next week's schedule looks as terrible as this week's, I'll be talking to my boss about it. Because I can't save up to move (which, admittedly, no one at work knows about yet), pay my bills, make payments towards my loans, AND live like a human being if I'm not getting more hours. I kind of can't help but feel like I'm being punished for something, but I don't know what that would be. Except traveling. But that would be stupid, because even with all my traveling I still made employee of the month. So... what's the problem?

Hopefully this is a one-time thing and I'll get a ton of hours from now on.

In other news, it's just going to be me and Emily living together in KC, which I am still A-OK with. I'm just happy to be living with her. We've both been looking around online, we're going to get together this summer and do some real, physical apartment-hunting. A lot of stuff near the Plaza is really affordable (NICE!), but I'm happy with whatever.

Not much else is new. Lady Gaga's new album is pretty stellar. Definitely her best one so far. Um... that's it.

I probably shouldn't be blogging right now.

I actually have to be up fairly early so I can enjoy at least part of my day. You see, as soon as I started looking for a second job, my boss decided to give me an ass-ton of hours. Which is GREAT... except it means a bunch of 9-hour shifts. Which are awful. I mean absolutely awful. It's not like a 9-hour shift in the costume shop over Summer Theatre, where you're sitting and chatting and sewing and listening to good music... No, this kind of 9-hour shift kills me. Catty customers, stupid customers, messy customers who bring their BABIES (we have silk dresses, people. They are not cheap.) It especially kills my back, though. And it's been crying for the past two days anyway. And I have a 9-hour tomorrow, and then another one on Sunday. (Mother's Day, of course, because why would anyone want to spend Mother's Day with their mom, anyway?)

But enough complaining. I'm getting hours, and I could use the money.

In other news, I have a small window of light peering through this dark tunnel of mine. (Yes. I am aware that that sounded emo. It was unintentional, but isn't it cool imagery in your brain? You're welcome, dear reader.) I went to Emporia last weekend to see their final show. Financially it was maybe not my best idea, but there are zero regrets here. I've figured some things out, and I talked to Jim (Bartruff) which I neeeeeeeeeeeeded, soooooooooooo bad. I told him I was thinking about moving to KC, and he told me these following words, "This is just me. But the year I decided to move to Kansas City was the year my entire career turned around."

It's kind of hard not to want to move when someone you respect and has such a world of experience says something like that to you. In addition, he listed off a whole slew of theatres he's worked with and has had contact with, to which he would be willing to recommend me, and reminded me that should I ever, ever need a reference I should not hesitate to list him. If that ain't encouragement, I don't know what is, and believe me, I needed that. Theresa also offered her assistance in the few minutes I got to talk to her, also stating that she has contact with some companies there, and that I should use her as a reference, and that she would say, "Yes! Hire her! She's good!" (Her words, not mine!)

Another part of this small window of hope would be the greatest joy: my possible future roommates. You see, I mentioned to Emily Warren that I wanted to move to KC and she pipes up, "Josh and I are planning on moving to Kansas City!" Now, I knew this already. But I assumed they would be living together. Nope. She continues, "Want to be my roommate?" She and Josh have decided (wisely, I think) that they aren't ready for the move-in-together step just yet, and her brother Dave is thinking about moving with her. Uh, does anyone see a problem here? Because I sure don't. I like Dave. I LOOOVE Emily. Three roommates = lower rent. This feels like a no-brainer.

The hard part is getting everything together... and soon. Because I told Joel if I don't move to KC then I'd move in with him, and although he's not acting on it, I think he's assuming I'm still going to live here because he wants to introduce me to a friend of his. I don't think friends introduce each other for anything but an actual serious relationship possibility.

It's a lot. And honestly, if I can't live with Emily I'm not sure I can move down there. But damn. Doesn't this all sound great?!