The highs and the low, low, lows.

So this week has been very interesting. I don't feel comfortable talking about some of it (don't worry, I'm not keeping anything juicy to myself). But here's the gist:

I've been realizing how unhappy I am lately. The kind of unhappy where if I think about how unhappy I am I get kind of emotional, so I always decide to pick myself back up by running, or playing with the dog, or my personal favorite activity: trying to plan out what I'm going to do in the near future because I literally have no clue what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go or when I can freaking get out of here.

I went down to Emporia a couple weekends ago, and Ryan successfully persuaded me to talk to Jim about doing Summer Theatre. At first I thought, "Yeah, it would be cool to go back for the summer, but it would probably set me back too much." And then I thought some more about it. You know, I haven't been able to do any theatre since I got up here. I still haven't heard from anybody at ITAs, which I've pretty much given up on now. And almost every show that Omaha Community Playhouse does conflicts with something important in my life (i.e., my dad's wedding in February), so I can't audition for their stuff. Eight weeks of nothing but theatre would help me stay on top of my game.

So I emailed Jim, and he told me he's put my name in the casting pool.

Last night, my friend Lauren took me to see Lady Gaga and it honestly felt like a religious experience for me. Three times during her show I nearly bawled like a baby because it was so powerful and inspiring. I thought, "God. I wish I had the opportunity right now to pour my heart and soul into my art like she does."

So today I checked my email more times than I care to admit, waiting for an email from Jim. And 6:00 comes and... I get a rejection letter. My first one. Even in the summer when I didn't get to act at all, I still had an offer. And I honestly didn't put too much stock in thinking I'd get an offer; I understood that people they actually see audition for them would probably take precedence in the directors' minds, but it didn't stop me from feeling awful.

And I was hoping that I could take the summer to do some theatre while I also figure some more of my "future shit" out in a really positive environment around my best friends.

I'll pick myself back up. But with all of the weird shit that's been happening this week, this just kind of capped it.